If you have spent even five minutes on Facebook the last two weeks or so, you’ll know that once again, a group is claiming that there is a War on Christmas at hand. This year, the culprit is that devil worshiping business known as Starbucks.
I mean, look at the logo…that saucy siren has got to be up to something.
The charges against Starbucks are simple. This horrible, anti Christmas cooperation has recently unleashed their holiday themed cups into the wild. Unlike in past years, which featured appropriate, Christian approved designs such as snowflakes, snowmen and other similar designs, this year Starbucks has decided to go minimalistic and feature no design. Instead, the cups are a horrible, anti Christmas, cheery red hue.
I mean, how could they? Don’t they know what this represents?
Maybe I’m just out of touch. I mean, the closest Starbucks to me is an hour and a half away and is located in a Target. If I want an overpriced cup of coffee I actually have to work. I have to get in my car and battle overzealous deer running from hunters. I then have to brave rabid Christmas shoppers heading into said Target and then risk looking like a complete idiot trying to order a grande coffee (is is pronounced grand? granda?) and finally trying to stomach the sludge that Starbucks tries to pass off as a simple cup of coffee…not to mention spending enough money to buy six cups of coffee anywhere else…
But that’s besides the point. The point is, Starbucks has decided that it is putting the breaks on Christmas. I repeat. There is no Christmas this year. Take another look at those horrible cups again and let it sink in.
All heated up aren’t you? I mean, personally, I’m seeing red. Literally.
Of course I’m a rational person. I know that it is completely irrational to think that the decision to distribute coffee in a plain red cup is a business’s way to declare War on Christmas. And, as I am a rational person I am able to read a calendar and realize that Christmas is more than a month away, and, at least in the U.S. proceeds another, important holiday. Thanksgiving.
I’ll let you catch up. In relation to Christmas, Thanksgiving is still a relatively new holiday. It has only been around since 1621, when the first Thanksgiving was celebrated. Thanksgiving is absolutely an infant compared to Christmas. But unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving has only improved over the years (you know, considering after the first Thanksgiving we slaughtered all those Native Americans that saved our ass from starvation). Christmas, on the other hand, went from being a celebration of the birth of a Savior, to a day/season where we worship consumerism, materialism, and killing each other over the best deal on Black Friday…which has been moved to Thursday aka Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is the holiday under attack. The holiday that is meant to celebrate Family, and being Thankful for our plentiful Bounties has been shoved aside so Christmas can be celebrated the very second Halloween night has ticked over from 11:59pm to midnight. Instead of gathering around a table with loved one on November 26th, we’ll be planning warfare on one another so we can yank the hottest new gadget away from our neighbor.
So excuse me when I roll my eyes at your pettiness and contemplate drowning your ignorance in a vat of Starbucks coffee. Come November 26th, I’ll be sitting at a dining room table, surrounded by loved ones, celebrating all that I’m thankful for.
I’m just sorry that you are too busy crying over coffee cups (and not even spilled coffee), and going into credit card debt so that you will be compliant in celebrating the birth of the new Messiahs, Consumerism and Greed.